Officials at the Missouri Bureau of Health have released an early warning for the September's release of Nelly's St. Lunacy album, which is said to cause "Head-banging, jean popping, and general craziness." The record, which features production by Trackmasters and Timbaland, among others, has been diagnosed as a level 3 threat, capable of spreading among large urban populaces and affecting music listeners nationwide. "The beats are off the richter scale," states OMBH president Paul Fersor, "and the hooks are infectiotous. They can be spread through casual contact, say from a radio station or a friend's mixtape."
Doctors in the St. Louis area have already given reports of patients reacting to the street-drug version of Nelly's album, a mixtape that's said to elicit the spreading of thighs and the waving of hands in the air. "It's particularly effective among those participating in unprotected sex and using illegal narcotics. They're the primary demographic we've been treating," states Dr. Jazzyside, owner of a North City Clinic. "Nelly's ill. The St. Lunatic's are ill. At this point, the whole city of St. Louis is just ill, son."
Hope we get infected!